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Downfall is our downfall.

June 21, 2010

Seriously, this TV show represents the downfall of American society.

We wonder why people hate us?  It’s because in the middle of a recession we’re creating game shows where we destroy $40,000 cars for no reason.

Um, Lara, there’s a reason.  It’s because the contestants didn’t get the answer right, so then they have to fall too.  It’s funny to watch people fall down and material objects crash to the ground. If I can’t have it, nobody should have it.

Wow, that is an amazing point.  It got me thinking, I think that ALL game shows should have this format.  Wait, this is the best idea ever.  Let’s see what would happen on!:

1. Jeopardy- Oh, sorry, you didn’t answer that in the form of a question.  Looks like we’re going to have to burn your money.

2. Supermarket Sweep- Well, you got the giant Jelly Belly for $200, but you didn’t get it across the line in time.  Now we’re going to throw away food like an expensive restaurant and then shoo homeless people away who try to fish it out of the dumpster.

3.  Wheel of Fortune- Oh, you couldn’t get that last one?  Even though the clue was ‘Thing’ and the answer was “Your Grandma”?  Time to capsize the  boat you were going to sail around Lake Havasu while wasted.  Oh, I’m sorry.  “Have-a-brew.”  Yeah, your drunk ass was going to crash it anyway.  We don’t even feel bad..

4.  The Bachelorette-  This one is my favorite.  So instead of the Bachelorette being the real contestant, it’s one of the guys.  Then, as soon as he gets kicked off, we kill the dumb bitch who dumped him.  So Ali, watch out.  Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten rid of Kasey.

5. Cash Cab- You get it wrong, we light the fucking cab on fire with you in it.  Oh, wait.  Shit.  I got that one confused with what unemployed douche fucks do after the Laker game.

6.  The Price is Right- Your price was wrong.  Seems as if we’re going to let Taylor Swift use your karaoke machine.  Now that shit is ruined.

7.  Legend of the Hidden Temple- (Yes, this is the second time I’ve referenced this show).  Damnit, you were in the room of the stone monkey, and you just could not get that shit on lock.  Looks like your… Nerf football…. is going in the lagoon.  Wait?  Really?  That’s all we give them?  A Nerf football?  This show is bullshit.  How do we even get kids on it?  Oh, the sweet costumes?  Ok, I get it.

8.  Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? If not, you lose your job.  Seriously, how did you even get a job?  You have to trade with the 5th grader.

9. The Newlywed Game-  Wow, you don’t know your wife very well.  Welp, now the husband on the winning team will know her.  In the Biblical sense.

10. Hell Date – Honestly, I have no idea what you win on that show.  All I know is that a black midget in a devil suit comes out at the end, and that’s all that matters.  This game doesn’t change, because it’s awesome.

Anyway, don’t satisfy the Downfall producers by watching it and upping their ratings.  If you want to watch something crash and burn, watch The Gates.  Also, I’d kind of like that show to stay on TV so I have more ammo when arguing that vampire shit is fucking stupid.

(Ok, not True Blood.  I don’t watch it regularly, but it’s def better than the remedial dictionary vomit that Stephanie Meyer has been spewing out and the visual catastrophe that followed.)

14 Comments leave one →
  1. June 22, 2010 12:26 am

    Not a very compelling argument, sorry. I say that because I learned a lot from most of the shows you listed. A lot of people have. Trivia is a perfect supplement to our lackluster education system. Well, not for me to an extent, since I was a nerd and went to really good schools, but in general. I would venture to say that there isn’t a singular thing, attitude, or person that makes the United States imperfect. It’s a perfect storm of capitalism, discrimination, elitism, and censorship that, among countless other things, that has turned us into a bit of a joke, or something to loathe. I would also venture to say that we are one of the most impressive societies that has emerged in however many millions of years Earth has existed, and that other nations should stop hating and stereotyping us and recognize that fact. Lastly, I must point out that anti-Americanism often has nothing to do with America itself, but certain attitudes and people in other countries who have gotten the wrong idea about us, just don’t likes, or are just assholes in general who hate where they live. Have we contributed to that? Of course, in a big way, but it’s not entirely us. I’d say it’s half us, half them.

    • June 22, 2010 7:57 am

      1. See Whitney’s comment.
      2. I’m not even ragging on game shows. They’re my jam. I just think it’s a teensy bit (and by “a teensy bit” I mean extremely) wasteful to destroy prizes. They would be getting a ration of shit for burning money, yet it’s the same concept.

      • June 26, 2010 4:25 pm

        I realized that I misread/misunderstood after I posted the comment, but couldn’t delete it. My apologies.

    • mogle permalink
      June 22, 2010 10:27 am

      dear jenn,

      it sounds like you had TONS of friends in high school…

      love always,
      mogle

      • June 26, 2010 4:26 pm

        I did. I was a champion volleyball player as well. I also happen to pride myself in being smart, in much the same way you pride yourself in making weak insults over the internet.

    • Brandon permalink
      June 22, 2010 10:50 am

      Jenn, your schools all sucked and being a friendless nerd doesn’t make you intelligent. Your inane, rambling post is a symptom of the disease that is killing America.

  2. Whitney Manson permalink
    June 22, 2010 7:05 am

    Wow. Are you serious?? Sarcasm= http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sarcasm and thus is basically the opposite of the way you took it. Also, you might want to look up “joke” when you get a chance. XOXO

    Additionally, I bet you’re excellent at trivia in bars.

  3. June 22, 2010 7:47 am

    Those Legend of the Hidden Temple kids deserve to have their nerf balls (or whatever) destroyed. C’mon! I could have put together the shrine of the silver money blindfolded when I was nine. Heh.

    Cool blog, though!

    • June 22, 2010 7:49 am

      Dude, I know, but the TEMPLE GUARDS. Those guys are a-holes. They take away your Pendants of Life. Such bull.

  4. June 24, 2010 1:40 pm

    you are amazing! i found this site through your guest post on heres the problem and I am fully down. well done.

  5. June 29, 2010 10:04 pm

    Holy crap I read this after my lotht reference and am now like omfg we are brain twins and should be friends to encourage me to not be so formal on my blog!!!

    • June 29, 2010 10:17 pm

      To be honest, I’m not that surprised. Coincidence is kind of drawn to me. Or maybe we are brain twins. We should probably get tested…not in the way people normally get tested, but tested nonetheless.

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