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GENITAL WARTS LOVE MY BLOG.

December 16, 2011

And I’m sorry if you do too and you’re angry at me for being the laziest blogger in the entire world lately. Why? Because I exercise now (yikes!) and like living in the real world sometimes (double yikes!).

But there’s nothing like a love letter from “genital warts” to remind me of why I do this whole blog thang:

Unfortunately, I don’t like genital warts, and genital warts are not welcome here.  Though I’m afraid of being in contact with (<– get it??)  genital warts, feel free to send genital warts an email.  Maybe something like “I HATE YOU GENITAL WARTS!”.  At least that’s what I would say. But maybe you like genital warts. Who knows.

Anyway, I have some posts coming up.  I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately, and I want to share those thoughts with you, but I got this really cool little box that lets me stream Netflix to my TV (because I don’t have a penis and therefore don’t own a PS3 or XBox whatever the fuck you need to stream Netflix to your TV) and I’ve watched the entire series of the Hills and about 3 seasons of How I Met Your Mother in about 3 weeks.

Jesus H. Christ is right.  Looks like my boyfriend Tim Warner is shit outta luck, there’s a new game in TV town.

Lara, hold on a second.  Did you really just skip over the fact that you RE-watched the entire series of the Hills?  Even that last season when Lauren Conrad isn’t even in it?

Yeah, I did, and I’m not embarrassed.  I like the TV on in the background.  And with the Hills, I don’t even have to watch, because I know what’s happening.  They’re sitting at a trendy outdoor restaurant in LA having lunch.  Or at a trendy, dimly-lit restaurant having dinner.  Having conversations that go like this:

“Yeah.”

“Totally.”

“And I was like, ‘Whatever’.”

*Silence*

*Staring*

“Slut.”

“Yeah.”

Yes, that was pretty much the best recap I’ve ever written.  That is, until I take on Virgin Diaries in an upcoming post.  Wait for it, like a virgin bride and groom saving their first kiss for the wedding.  And then, you know, violently orally accost it.

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