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Kins are for unemployed people.

June 30, 2010

Excuse me—were for unemployed people.  Who clearly can’t afford phones.  That’s why Microsoft has already discontinued it.

Please note:  I planned on writing this post a few weeks ago but got lazy and then decided to actually do it today right when the Kin news came out.  I think I’m psychic.

Ok, so here’s how I figured out that the Kin was made for the unemployed, and please forgive all the tangents.  They’ll be worth it.

Flashback three (?) weeks to Lara at the Microsoft Store buying Precious, her big black computer.  Before you start jumping all over me about how Macs are so much cooler, you’re right.  They are.  I am never going to be in that magical situation inside an It’s a Grind (because Starbucks is so early 2000s) when a super trendy guy wearing glasses and a scarf comes up to me and is all, “Excuse me, is that a Macbook Pro?  I have the same one.  Do you mind if I take a seat?  What’s your Skype name?  We should probably video chat on our new iPhone 4’s while sitting next each other.”

The closest thing I’ll get is a, “Whoa, what the fuck is that huge black thing, and what kind of computer is she using?”

You guys win.  But then again, I’ll probably be able to afford more than Ramen after my computer purchase.  (Though I will still eat Ramen because I love it…)  So who wins now?

Ok, so back on track: I’m at the Microsoft Store, and the guy helping me is a super hip Asian guy named Dukes—yes, Dukes, with an “s”—who used to work at the Apple store.  Basically he’s the coolest person who could have possibly been helping me purchase a PC.  Dukes goes into the back room to get my free Zune (Yes, I hate wasting money so much that I have a Zune instead of an iPod.) and I start messing around with one of the touch screen computers with Kimmie, discussing how pointless they are.

(Enter Awkward Ginger.)

Awkward Ginger (AG):  You know, it’s actually so easy to use these, like I just got one for my mom and she can just touch it and drag it and blah blah blah you’re probably not listening to me because I’m a ginger

Me:  True.  I’m gonna go make fun of other pointless shit, like the Kin.

AG: Oh, it’s actually pretty cool.

Me:  Really?  You really can explain to me how this is useful?

(Fucking with the Awkward Ginger fully commences.)

AG: I mean, it’s for a very specific kind of user—like for people who want to be really connected.

Me:  Like to a wireless network?  Like every other cell phone?

AG:  I mean, like it has all of your social networks…

Me: Oh, like Facebook?  Like I have with my Blackberry app?

AG:  No but like, everything. Facebook, Twitter, FourSquare…

Me:  Oh, you mean like the other Blackberry apps I have?

AG:  Yeah, but like it’s for those people who want to be connected all the time.

Me:  Like I am, where I can easily access all those apps and my email and the Internet and everything with my Blackberry?

AG: But with this it’s all on one screen.

Me:  Oh, so it’s for unemployed people then?  Who have nothing better to do than be on Facebook and Twitter all day and don’t need to do anything functional like check emails or make calls?

AG: Exactly… wait, no I mean, it’s just for people who like to be connected.  Like I said, a very specific type of person.

Me:  Right—an unemployed person.  I get it.

At this point Dukes came back and AG realized he was no longer needed as neither a source of information nor a plaything for my sick and twisted mind.  I still think he was a little sad he didn’t get to hang out with Kimmie and me anymore though.

Anyway, straight from the mouth of a Microsoft Store employee:  the Kin is for unemployed people.  They’re the only people who would have had any interest in that phone, and most of them probably even thought it was as stupid as the rest of us did.

Final note:  I have no beef with unemployed people—this economy sucks.  On that note, give my friends jobs!  But the unemployed people who suck so much that they can’t get jobs in a booming economy—those are the ones who probably would like the Kin.  You should probably go connect with Awkward Ginger now.

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