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You can drink wine by yourself.

July 28, 2010

It’s probably my favorite thing about wine.  Drinking hard A alone makes you seem like a major boozy alchy, which is generally frowned upon.  Beer is ok too, but whenever I burp alone I’m always like, “Ew, I don’t even have anyone to be embarrassed in front of.  I’m also getting fat.  This is lame.”

But wine, oh wine, how I love thee.  I’m having you for dinner as we speak.  I didn’t get home from work until 8:45 because I left to get these dressers from this girl on Craigslist and then they wouldn’t fit in my car.  Major BALLS.  Hence, wine.

Ok, so Kimmie is basically guest blogging with me, and we decided a few things about drinking wine alone:

1.  Drinking it out of a box alone is not ok.  This is not because it’s cheap and tacky, but rather because it’s tempting to finish whatever wine container you open, and a whole box of wine will ruin your life.

2.  Wine coolers don’t count.  This is because wine coolers are for people with vaginas, and I don’t mean women.  Figure it out.

3. The bottle of wine should not cost less than $10 on sale.  This means that the original price is probably above $15.  This is because you have to convince people that you’re actually drinking it for the taste, because you “appreciate it,” not because you want to stab someone in the weiner after a long ass day at work.

I’m too drunk to think of anything else that’s remotely clever, and I’ve not even had a full glass yet.  That’s what happens when you get a job and enter the real world and get stressed and forget to eat and barely drink anymore and your tolerance is the size of a lemur fetus.

Fuck. I’m so excited to move this weekend.  I think I’ll celebrate with another sip of wine.  (Yes, sip.  It will have the same effect on my post-grad self as a shot used to when I was aggressively living the frat life.  It’s almost fun though (and cheaper and less caloric. Win.).)

4 Comments leave one →
  1. mogle permalink
    July 29, 2010 1:56 am

    i didn’t even read tbis. im drunk. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. this took me a long time to proofread. i love grammar. and jgl. im the best intern evaaaaaaaaaaaar.

    • mogle permalink
      July 29, 2010 1:59 am

      oh sweeeeet jesus. hitting the space button twice does not make a period. this is not bbm. hi kimmie and ac360!!! k bye clara leaving for real. jim. jim. jim.

  2. Laura permalink
    July 29, 2010 5:57 pm

    OK I’m like a billion years out of college and I have an INSANE tolerance. If you hung out with my friends and regularly drank something my fave bartender (they know me by name now and we hang out outside of the bar) calls a Lesbian Football Team, you would not have the one wine glass drunk problem.

    Actually it’s not a problem, it’s awesome that you can drink that little and feel it… me jealous. :-\

    • July 29, 2010 9:36 pm

      I have a unique situation in that I have a low threshold but high tolerance. I feel one drink but can pound 15. I don’t know if you want to be jealous of that.

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